The Paris: The Memoir author shares of her former boyfriend’s proclivity for s:ex tapes: “He had often said it was something he did with other women, but I felt weird and uncomfortable about it” Paris Hilton is shedding new light on her infamous 2003 s:e:x tape with then-boyfriend Rick Salomon. In an excerpt from her new book Paris: The Memoir, the reality star detailed what resulted in the s:e:x tape happening in the first place, recalling how Salomon repeatedly brought up the idea before she eventually gave in. “I don’t remember that much about the night he wanted to make a videotape while we made love,” wrote Hilton, 42, per an excerpt published in The Times of London. “He had often said it was something he did with other women, but I felt weird and uncomfortable about it. I always told him, ‘I can’t. It’s too embarrassing.'” She continued, “He kept pushing. I kept making excuses.” And while Salomon promised that the tape would remain private between them, Hilton recalled the ultimatum he gave her: “He told me if I wouldn’t do it, he could easily find someone who would.” “That was the worst thing I could think of — to be dumped by this grown man because I was a stupid kid who didn’t know how to play grown-up games,” she continued. Since Hilton struggled with her s:e:xuality after suffering from abuse as a child, she wanted to be “alive in a sensual way.” However, she said, “I wasn’t capable of the level of trust required to make a videotape like that.” “I had to drink myself silly. Quaaludes helped. But I did it,” she continued to write. “I have to own that. I knew what he wanted, and I went with it.” Paris called her first lover “scum” (Photo: YouTube) Before she knew it, a clip from the intimate moment was leaked, teasing a full-length version of the tape that was released shortly after. “The world thinks of me as a s:e:x symbol, and I’m here for that, because symbol literally means icon,” she wrote. “But when people saw that s:e:x tape, they didn’t say ‘icon,’ they said ‘sl:ut.’ They said ‘wh:ore.'” Added Hilton, “I felt like my life was over, and in many ways it was. Certainly, the career I had envisioned was no longer possible.” Hilton has been candid about her fears around her s:e:xuality since the s:e:x tape leaked, even recently telling Harper’s Bazaar she was “known as a s:e:x symbol, but anything se::xual terrified me.” STEVE GRANITZ/FILMMAGIC The Paris in Love star is now married to Carter Reum. In finding love with Reum, Hilton — who recently welcomed son Phoenix Barron — began enjoying s:e:x and no longer held the belief she was as:exual. “It wasn’t until Carter that I finally am not that way. I enjoy hooking up with my husband,” she also told Harper’s Bazaar. “I just feel like after all the hell I’ve been through, I’m finally getting what I deserve,” she added, “which is someone I can trust and someone to build a real life with.”